Communication

Ladies:

The past several weeks I have seen an unhealthy trend in the marriages around me... miscommunication! She says one thing, he hears another. He says something, she hears another. Both are listening for what they want to hear and are formulating a defense without giving pause to think about what the other is really trying to say. Here are two simple examples:

Husband says,"You sure are grumpy lately."
She hears you are a failure as a mother and wife
He is trying to communicate I would like to be close with you, I desire your love

Wife says, "I won't live in a marriage like this"
He hears I want a divorce, I am through with you
She is trying to communicate I want to work on our marriage, I desire a full life with you

The problem is we are all selfish in our flesh and without a greater vision we cannot see beyond our limited vision. God is the great "I am". He is all knowing and can see everything in completion, beginning to end. If we yield our hearts to Him, He can guide in a way everlasting. His love is greater than any love we can offer one another and His ways are beyond anything we can ask or think.

I am not a mind reader and I bet you are not either. The only one capable of changing your spouse or you is God almighty himself. Instead of focusing on what we "think" we hear I would challenge you to start praying the simple prayer, "Lord change me." Either when trying to share your heart with your spouse or listening when he is trying to communicate with you, ask the Lord to help you discern what is true and what the heart of the matter really may be. God sees the big picture and in that I put my hope and trust.

Still growing up!
Annie

Ephesians 3:20-21 "Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power (the Holy Spirit of God) that works within us,to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen."

Good Works

As human beings we tend to personalize our works. What I mean is that we assign an anticipated outcome or and expected response from those that are recipients of our efforts. Often the results do not align with our hopes and we find ourselves defeated, drug down and frustrated.

For example a simple dinner can become a totally disappointment. We spend the time lovingly shopping for the food, planning the meal and getting it out on the table so our hungry children and husbands can delight in our culinary skills. The first response from my six year old is "yuck, I don't like this!". Ok..I personalize it! Yes, this is a "great" teachable moment BUT I feel a little discouraged.

The Bible teaches us that we are God's workman, created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared in advance for us to do (paraphrase Ephesians 2:10). It is key to see that God prepared the works for us to do but He doesn't say anything about the results. It is time for us to focus in our responsibility and let God be the results man. We are the tool, He is the power that moves and directs us. Our response to God is our choice. We are are called to wake up and say "your will not mine". Nothing we do is of any lasting value when it is done of our own strength and design. It changed my life when I realized I was creating my own works and not being available for what God wanted me to be doing. His Word tells us to "be still". Well that is not going to get the dishes done, the bills paid and this body looking like it did when I was 18! The point is when we are available to God and His plan there will be enough time to do the job He has called you and me to do. If you are out of time you probably are not living on God's schedule.

I want to be clear that works have NOTHING to do with eternal salvation (going to heaven). Salvation is a free gift that is by faith alone (Eph 2:8-9). Our works are designed for God to be glorified in and through us! Our faith cannot be based on a human action but on the power of God working in us (1 Cor 2:5).

The challenge to wives and mothers... work as working for the Lord and don't personalize the response. 1 Thess 5:16, "Be joyful always, pray continually, in EVERYTHING give thanks for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." May your joy be contagious and the Spirit of God fill your homes and marriages with love, joy peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control!

Growing up by letting go of my will,
Annie

Action verses Words

Ladies:

There are two scenarios in a marriage (ok there are more but for time sake let's pretend there are two!):
1) Wife verbally downloads information to her husband and husband tries to fix her problems. Wife does not want a fix just someone safe to listen to her.
2) Husband verbally downloads problems to wife and wife tries to fix them. Like the first scenario, husband just wants wife to listen.

In my house we often act out scene number 2. My husband works alone for most the day and comes home ready to share the thoughts he has been pondering throughout his day and just need to verbally download on me. Now, I am a woman of action and solutions. I hear a problem and I instantly start problem solving. I do have an analytical mind and love a good problem, so I often see the daily conflicts my husband faces as an "opportunity" to find a solution. After a night of talking through things I often file the information in the discard pile and wake up for the next days challenges. My husband on the other hand often process the information for days, weeks, months, years!! After ten years of marriage I have learned to listen, keep listening and let him continue to talk out his problem without offering up any solution until my advice is solicited. Even when my advice or opinion is solicited, I must chose my words wisely (often the fewer the better), keep my tone supportive(don't align with the opposing team) and NOT try and fix anything(let him be a man, I am not his mommy).

I share this to offer up support to all of us who are control freaks, peace makers, and problem solvers. God's word is rich with advice to us as wives and there are several verses that have spoken to me often from my heart as I began to act out in ways that were not the most loving and honoring of my husband.

The first example of timing and tone is with Queen Esther. If you read through Esther and look at chapter 5 and 7 you will see Esther has something very important she wanted to discuss with her husband, the king. She put together a great meal, invited him and a friend and let the night play out without hurrying into her request. Instead of bringing it up that night she decided to WAIT and have another dinner. Timing was everything. God still had to move in her husbands heart to prepare him in advance for the response he would give to her request. Since she was patient and prayerful, God honored her and an entire nation of people!

The last verse I share is one for those whose husband may not know the Lord or may be living a life disobedient to the Lord (which could be any of us at any moment!):

1 Peter 3:1-4 "In the same way, wives, be subject to your own husbands. Then, even if some are disobedient to the word, they will be won over without a word by the way you live, when they see your pure and reverent conduct. Let your beauty not be external – the braiding of hair and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes – but the inner person of the heart, the lasting beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit, which is precious in God’s sight."

God is master of the universe and can handle all things just fine without us getting our two cents in. Most the time God wants us to listen to Him and watch Him work. I love 2 Chronicles 20:15 where the Lord tells King Jehoshaphat and the men of Judah, "Don’t be afraid and don’t panic because of this huge army! For the battle is not yours, but God’s!" then it goes on to say in verse 17 "You will not fight in this battle. Take your positions, stand, and watch the Lord deliver you".

Ladies, stand and watch the Lord deliver you and your family today!

Crazy in love with my husband,
Annie