Communication

Ladies:

The past several weeks I have seen an unhealthy trend in the marriages around me... miscommunication! She says one thing, he hears another. He says something, she hears another. Both are listening for what they want to hear and are formulating a defense without giving pause to think about what the other is really trying to say. Here are two simple examples:

Husband says,"You sure are grumpy lately."
She hears you are a failure as a mother and wife
He is trying to communicate I would like to be close with you, I desire your love

Wife says, "I won't live in a marriage like this"
He hears I want a divorce, I am through with you
She is trying to communicate I want to work on our marriage, I desire a full life with you

The problem is we are all selfish in our flesh and without a greater vision we cannot see beyond our limited vision. God is the great "I am". He is all knowing and can see everything in completion, beginning to end. If we yield our hearts to Him, He can guide in a way everlasting. His love is greater than any love we can offer one another and His ways are beyond anything we can ask or think.

I am not a mind reader and I bet you are not either. The only one capable of changing your spouse or you is God almighty himself. Instead of focusing on what we "think" we hear I would challenge you to start praying the simple prayer, "Lord change me." Either when trying to share your heart with your spouse or listening when he is trying to communicate with you, ask the Lord to help you discern what is true and what the heart of the matter really may be. God sees the big picture and in that I put my hope and trust.

Still growing up!
Annie

Ephesians 3:20-21 "Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power (the Holy Spirit of God) that works within us,to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen."

Good Works

As human beings we tend to personalize our works. What I mean is that we assign an anticipated outcome or and expected response from those that are recipients of our efforts. Often the results do not align with our hopes and we find ourselves defeated, drug down and frustrated.

For example a simple dinner can become a totally disappointment. We spend the time lovingly shopping for the food, planning the meal and getting it out on the table so our hungry children and husbands can delight in our culinary skills. The first response from my six year old is "yuck, I don't like this!". Ok..I personalize it! Yes, this is a "great" teachable moment BUT I feel a little discouraged.

The Bible teaches us that we are God's workman, created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared in advance for us to do (paraphrase Ephesians 2:10). It is key to see that God prepared the works for us to do but He doesn't say anything about the results. It is time for us to focus in our responsibility and let God be the results man. We are the tool, He is the power that moves and directs us. Our response to God is our choice. We are are called to wake up and say "your will not mine". Nothing we do is of any lasting value when it is done of our own strength and design. It changed my life when I realized I was creating my own works and not being available for what God wanted me to be doing. His Word tells us to "be still". Well that is not going to get the dishes done, the bills paid and this body looking like it did when I was 18! The point is when we are available to God and His plan there will be enough time to do the job He has called you and me to do. If you are out of time you probably are not living on God's schedule.

I want to be clear that works have NOTHING to do with eternal salvation (going to heaven). Salvation is a free gift that is by faith alone (Eph 2:8-9). Our works are designed for God to be glorified in and through us! Our faith cannot be based on a human action but on the power of God working in us (1 Cor 2:5).

The challenge to wives and mothers... work as working for the Lord and don't personalize the response. 1 Thess 5:16, "Be joyful always, pray continually, in EVERYTHING give thanks for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." May your joy be contagious and the Spirit of God fill your homes and marriages with love, joy peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control!

Growing up by letting go of my will,
Annie

Action verses Words

Ladies:

There are two scenarios in a marriage (ok there are more but for time sake let's pretend there are two!):
1) Wife verbally downloads information to her husband and husband tries to fix her problems. Wife does not want a fix just someone safe to listen to her.
2) Husband verbally downloads problems to wife and wife tries to fix them. Like the first scenario, husband just wants wife to listen.

In my house we often act out scene number 2. My husband works alone for most the day and comes home ready to share the thoughts he has been pondering throughout his day and just need to verbally download on me. Now, I am a woman of action and solutions. I hear a problem and I instantly start problem solving. I do have an analytical mind and love a good problem, so I often see the daily conflicts my husband faces as an "opportunity" to find a solution. After a night of talking through things I often file the information in the discard pile and wake up for the next days challenges. My husband on the other hand often process the information for days, weeks, months, years!! After ten years of marriage I have learned to listen, keep listening and let him continue to talk out his problem without offering up any solution until my advice is solicited. Even when my advice or opinion is solicited, I must chose my words wisely (often the fewer the better), keep my tone supportive(don't align with the opposing team) and NOT try and fix anything(let him be a man, I am not his mommy).

I share this to offer up support to all of us who are control freaks, peace makers, and problem solvers. God's word is rich with advice to us as wives and there are several verses that have spoken to me often from my heart as I began to act out in ways that were not the most loving and honoring of my husband.

The first example of timing and tone is with Queen Esther. If you read through Esther and look at chapter 5 and 7 you will see Esther has something very important she wanted to discuss with her husband, the king. She put together a great meal, invited him and a friend and let the night play out without hurrying into her request. Instead of bringing it up that night she decided to WAIT and have another dinner. Timing was everything. God still had to move in her husbands heart to prepare him in advance for the response he would give to her request. Since she was patient and prayerful, God honored her and an entire nation of people!

The last verse I share is one for those whose husband may not know the Lord or may be living a life disobedient to the Lord (which could be any of us at any moment!):

1 Peter 3:1-4 "In the same way, wives, be subject to your own husbands. Then, even if some are disobedient to the word, they will be won over without a word by the way you live, when they see your pure and reverent conduct. Let your beauty not be external – the braiding of hair and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes – but the inner person of the heart, the lasting beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit, which is precious in God’s sight."

God is master of the universe and can handle all things just fine without us getting our two cents in. Most the time God wants us to listen to Him and watch Him work. I love 2 Chronicles 20:15 where the Lord tells King Jehoshaphat and the men of Judah, "Don’t be afraid and don’t panic because of this huge army! For the battle is not yours, but God’s!" then it goes on to say in verse 17 "You will not fight in this battle. Take your positions, stand, and watch the Lord deliver you".

Ladies, stand and watch the Lord deliver you and your family today!

Crazy in love with my husband,
Annie

Anxiety

If we are all honest we get overwhelmed with the roles we each play. Wife, mother, cook, housekeeper, cheerleader, event planner, social net worker, counselor, caregiver, financial planner, interior designer, human resource manager, CEO, doctor, nurse, etc!! It is a blessing to be a woman and at the same time our place in the world can feel insignificant and unimportant. We have thankless job which does not nearly get the recognition or payment we "deserve". Lots of work and little time to rest. Many of us are "doers". We are on the go trying to let our good works give us value and meaning in this life. I am hear to encourage YOU and myself today to STOP, SIT DOWN and LET SILENCE FILL your room while you listen. Listen to the silence, relax in the moment, let the tension shed from your body and let the Spirit of the Lord whisper in your ear. Yes, whisper. God often waits on us to settle down before He can encourage us in our hearts.

1 Kings 19:11-12 "The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper."

God chose to come as a gentle whisper to speak to Elijah! It wasn't in some grand natural disaster but instead in a gentle whisper.

About six months ago I went to the doctor and told her I was getting anxious and irritable more often than not. She encouraged me that anyone in my phase of life would feel the same and that there was some medication that could help as I work through this. I have been dancing around those meds since the day I was in her office. I did a lot of self talk about how I didn't need that medication because I knew God was sufficient to meet all my needs (I just wasn't trusting Him with the solution!). What I did not realize was I was depending on my flesh and not letting God work in me as I let go of my pride and took this medication.

This week I started taking an anti anxiety medication. It has only been a few days but my life is changing. I feel like my mind is quieting down and I am able to enjoy the moment I am in. I am not so overwhelmed by the three little boys surrounding me or the responsibilities I have. I feel a new sense of freedom from the control that fear and anxiety have had on my life. I equate it to a cancer drug... if I had cancer I would do everything I could to fight the cancer out of my body. In the same way this medication is fighting off the anxiety that is trying to take over my life.

If you are struggling today talk with someone. Don't hold in your thoughts and struggles. Find a safe person to share the inner struggles you have so that you can become an overcomer. God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind.

Phillipiams 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Above all turn to God in prayer and cling to His strength as you walk this life. What ever your struggle is today He is sufficient to meet all your needs and often He will use those around you to help carry your load.

Feeling free!
Annie

What is Enough?

The current generation of moms are on the go, in the car, every day scheduled, maxed out and exhausted. Thoughts race through our minds wondering if we have managed to fit EVERY opportunity for our children into the week...? Have we provided social, academic, athletic, music and creative thinking time into the lives of our children. Of course we can't forget ourselves so we fit our personal schedules into the rest of our "free time"...working out, keeping up our beauty, networking in the neighborhood, making a little extra cash on the side, contributing to the social well being of our community, calling our local congressman to give our voice on the latest political topic, spiritual growth, emotional recovery over the first thirty years of life.... where does it STOP? Oh, and then there is that man that we married and call the father of our children... yeah he wants our time too!

Here is what God gave us when He created time (roughly):

24 hours a day
-8 hours of sleep a day
-16 hours a day awake
-8 hours for work

after sleep and work we have....
-8 hours a day "free time",
*BONUS...16 hours on Saturday AND Sunday is mandatory rest!

All the "Stuff" we jam in is more than the basic needs He created us with
1) food/water
2) shelter
3) love/relationship with Him and others

Is that ENOUGH TIME? God thought so when He created the heavens and the earth otherwise He would have made things different!

Matthew 6:25-34“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t there more to life than food and more to the body than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky: They do not sow, or reap, or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you more valuable than they are? And which of you by worrying can add even one hour to his life? Why do you worry about clothing? Think about how the flowers of the field grow; they do not work or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his glory was clothed like one of these! And if this is how God clothes the wild grass, which is here today and tomorrow is tossed into the fire to heat the oven, won’t he clothe you even more, you people of little faith? So then, don’t worry saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For the unconverted pursue these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But above all pursue his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So then, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has ENOUGH trouble of its own.

Application/Challenge:
This is hard for me to challenge you because now I am accountable too!
Each day I want you to track your time every day...awake and asleep. This is your week to do data collection. Then at the end of the week I want you to go through and cross through everything that was an "elective" in your daily living. I want us to all pray over the things that we think are important and test that against what God thinks is important. If you have put your trust in Christ the Holy Spirit who dwells in you will reveal the answer to your questions. We are each unique and so it is best to trust God for our individual schedules.

Learning to let God set my schedule,
Annie

Disclaimer: We are all unique and work schedules, baby schedules and other misc things may alter your time allotted in a day compared to the "generic" schedule I have written in the blog. Feel free to sketch out your own time allotment!

Fear to Faith

As a child on the outside I appeared like a normal young girl, but on the inside I lived in fear. I feared my parents would divorce, I feared being alone, I feared someone would abduct me, I feared failure, I feared nothing was in my control. My fears paralyzed me and I struggled in the dark to find some form of warm light to rescue me from my internal nightmare.

At ten years old my mother surrendered her life to Christ, in doing so she surrendered her children to Him as well. Even when I did not know Him, He knew me. He was always by my side watching over me until the day I learned His name and asked Him to live in my heart. God is so good and faithful. He rescued me from a life that was doomed for destruction and gave me hope. He took away my fear and replaced it with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.

Even though God is good and faithful, the flesh is not. I had ten years of my life controlled by fear that forced me into habits and patterns that were not from God. No one ever told me to "let go and let God." Instead I had to survive, to protect, to preserve myself. My struggle for control did not suddenly disappear when I accepted Christ as my savior. I had to learn how to yield my will to the Father; I had to learn what the Father's will was. I was given a heart transplant but my earthly body remained. While we live in the body on earth we are in the process of renewing our minds day by day. God sees us as saints, we are righteous before His throne but because of the nature of our earthly vessel we are still capable of sin and we often become victim to its temptations. No one is good, not one.

I am here to shout from the rooftop that there is hope for those who place their faith in Jesus and His sacrifice on the cross because we are no longer a slave to sin, no longer powerless to temptation, no longer alone in our battles.

Romans 5:3-5 we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; perseverance proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Our suffering is used to "bring about" that which was given to us the moment we received Christ. The Greek word for bring is katergazomai which means to bring out something that is already present. If you proclaim to be a Christ follower you have the power to overcome anything by the inner strength God has given you through the Holy Spirit.

Life Application: Take time to ask God to reveal what battle you are fighting that you need to hand over to the Father. Ask God to reveal where you are relying on your own strength, knowledge and power and turn it over to the sovereign Lord on high!

Marriage Application: same as above...focus on your marriage struggle, your thoughts, attitudes and actions towards your spouse.

Going deeper: 2 Chronicles 20 is an excellent narrative story which reveals God taking over the battle.

Suffering Alongside Your Mate

There are two types of suffering...

1) Suffering as a consequence to sin

2) Suffering as a testing of our faith

The first one is obvious, cause and effect. We see this daily with our children. You disobey, you suffer the consequence. The second one is more puzzling. The best example of this is in the book of Job. A man who was blameless and upright, fearing God and turning away from evil. If you read through Job 1:6-12 you can see the conversation that takes place between God and Job. God initiates the topic of Job and gives permission to Satan to attack his life. WHAT! Why did the Lord chose to test Job? God is sovereign and He knew the results. Here is what Job says at the end of his trial BEFORE the blessing and restoration of the second half of his life (Job 42:12-17).

Job 42:5 "I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,but now my eye has seen you."

Job learned the lesson and was proven faithful to His God but along the way the people around him were less than encouraging to him. As I look at the life of Job I am often brought back to the second chapter where his wife had the following conversation with him:

Then his wife said to him, “Are you still holding firmly to your integrity? Curse God, and die!” But he replied, “You’re talking like one of the godless women would do! Should we receive what is good from God, and not also receive what is evil?” In all this Job did not sin by what he said.Job 2:9-10

Ladies...since we are one flesh with our husbands we SHARE in his suffering. Not only do we experience trials of our own but we are called to support our husband in his. We are not called to carry the burden but to support the one who is struggling. Wives, we can support through prayer, words of encouragement, a welcoming home and physical affection. You know your husband better than anyone. Ask God to show you how to support him as God has uniquely designed him.

My brothers and sisters, consider it nothing but joy when you fall into all sorts of trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect effect, so that you will be perfect and complete, not deficient in anything. But if anyone is deficient in wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without reprimand, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed around by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord, since he is a double-minded individual, unstable in all his ways. James 1:2-8

If you are looking to dig deeper I would recommend a study by Kay Arthur called Living Victoriously in Difficult Times